Friday, December 10, 2010

I live like an animal

I live like an animal. When you walk into my tiny studio apartment, don't be fooled by the framed Miro print and the window fern. I basically live like a hobo in a cave. For instance, at night, our charming winter weather hits the 20s, and my building management is a bunch of stingy assholes, so the 100 year-old steam-heating kicks on a whopping three times a day. And also, my AC window unit, which is right by my bed, brings in crazy drafts. And of course, since I don't know how to remove it/am lazy, I had to figure out how to stop the drafts. So I covered the lower half of the window that contains the AC unit with trash bags and packing tape, et voila! No more drafts. Well, at least the draft situation isn't as bad.

But sometimes I'm still too cold before I go to bed, so I'll take a quick shower, minus the hair-washing, to warm myself up. I don't have a shower cap, so I have been using a CVS bag that I tie around my head. I am 24 years old. Sometimes for dinner I have some rice cakes and a popsicle because I haven't been shopping in two weeks and I'm too lazy and inept to cook. And then I watch 30 Rock and see so much of myself in Liz Lemon, and then I vow to myself to become a real adult. When does everyone else learn to cook and buy things like a shower cap and heat their apartment adequately? Are there lessons at the Y on how to be a grown-up? If so, I need to go, I think.